Mothers and Fathers (#5)

A few weeks before April, I planned my Mother's Day surprise. It came a couple weeks late.

June 1 was the date scheduled for her hip replacement, and I had a plane ticket ready for a visit to help with her recovery. But no one in the family knew about my visit except my aunt and sister, who helped with scheduling my trip. My sister picked me up at the airport and brought me to mom's church, where I hid around the corner and emerged suddenly and amazingly.

I felt happy to sit with mom yesterday after her surgery and hold her hand and talk with her. I only got to stay for an hour, because there were so many things to do and people to look out for in the household, but it was just as well because she needed to sleep. She was so animated, showing us all the different tubes in her body and what they were for.

Besides helping mom and the family, what is the purpose of this trip for me? Mom created my body inside hers, she held me, and she cared for my every need as a baby. Now as I care for some of her needs and show my love for her by my presence, it awakens a nurturing part of myself. This awakening helps me to serve others, and even myself.

Each of us gets certain good things from our mother and father, and there are inevitably some things any imperfect mother and father cannot give. As we mature into whole and complete (albeit imperfect) adults, we must learn to compensate for these inadequacies. We must learn to give ourselves what our parents were not able to give, and be grateful for all that they were able to give. This visit is a small part of that process for me.

Will I be a good father someday? I've often wondered this, and several relatives think the answer is a resounding "yes!" It's true that I've had a lot more practice than the average person, because of my work with kids and my numerous young siblings and cousins. I've helped children with allergic reactions, cut fingers, skinned knees, flu, fever, bug bites, bedwetting, poison oak, ticks, lice, severe asthma, even broken bones. I've talked kids out of homesickness, helped establish clear boundaries and positive discipline, and shown compassion.

I'm not so sure, though. There have been lots of times when kids seem to run the show, and I just don't know what to do. There are times when I need a break from everything. But I guess any good parent needs a break from things once in a while. And the true measure of any parent is the deep love, sacrifice, and compassion for one's children, and I have all of those hands down.

I'm looking forward to putting all this experience to use with my own children.